Few aspects of human experience are as profound as the dance of love and relationships. As society evolves, so too do our understandings and expectations of love. The cultural influences that once shaped our views are now being challenged by the rapid pace of the digital age, evolving gender dynamics, and multicultural influences, creating opportunities and obstacles in love and partnership.
In our universal quest for lasting happiness, the complexities of modern relationships prompt us to reassess our understanding of love. Traditional frameworks that once governed romantic partnerships are increasingly being tested, leading to a rise in break-ups and divorces. For instance, in the United States alone, about 4 to 5 million people marry each year, yet approximately 42 to 53% of these marriages end in divorce.
However, low divorce rates in countries like Sri Lanka don’t necessarily indicate blissful unions. Instead, they may reflect the complexities of obtaining a divorce, as well as the challenges women face in leaving unhealthy marriages—challenges rooted in fears for safety, lack of financial independence, and gender inequality.
Despite the abundance of self-help resources, relationship breakdowns remain prevalent. The reasons are multifaceted, including mental health issues, domestic violence, substance abuse, financial challenges, infidelity, loss of intimacy, lack of commitment, and even growing apart. The global landscape, further complicated by the COVID-19 pandemic, has added new dimensions to these dynamics, with spikes in break-ups linked to mental health problems.
Carly Kinch, a partner in the Divorce and Family department at Stewarts, described the pandemic as a “perfect storm” for couples, a catalyst for break-ups that may have already been looming. As couples spent more time together during lockdowns, heightened anxiety, anger, and frustration contributed to an increased likelihood of domestic abuse and depression. While many turned to counseling for solutions, statistics show that 25% of couples are worse off two years after marital counseling, and 38% end up divorced after four years.
Couple therapist Susan Gaduoa suggests that deeper issues, such as trauma, are often overlooked in couples therapy, which may explain its limited success. Trauma, stored in the unconscious, poses challenges for traditional talk therapy. Unhealed trauma can lead to long-term personal pain and developmental problems, and focusing solely on symptoms rather than underlying issues is a crucial reason for the limited success of marital counseling.
We must rethink our approach to love and move towards conscious love to address these challenges. Conscious love offers a framework for engaging in relationships more intentionally and mindfully, balancing the fundamental needs for security and freedom. This approach allows both partners to experience a sense of freedom and security, aligning with the ongoing transformation in our lives